The Way Of The Shirey

The Apprentice Finale:

My Two Cents

All right, so probably none of my seven readers watch The Apprentice. Well, too bad for you. Having invested an hour every Thursday night to Trump madness I must express my opinion on the final moments of the 4th season.

I’m not going to go over all the candidates or any of that shit, but I will talk about the final two. We have Randall, a Rhodes Scholar (I don’t know the significance of this, but those of you that want to look it up, have at it) from Jersey who has a degree from MIT and lots of other junk. Runs a consulting firm with three others and does lots of business-type things.

Then, there’s Rebecca, a 23-year-old financial journalist who has done quite a lot for such a young woman. She’s been involved in fund-raising since she was 15 and is also well educated. She’s also hot.

Anyways, Rebecca and Randall both endured two significant challenges that none of the other candidates had to endure. Randall’s grandmother died somewhere in the first few episodes and he chose to continue with the show. Rebecca broke her ankle around the same time and also chose to stay. With these two significant challenges, one physical, one emotional, they both pulled through and made it to the final two.

In their final tasks, they each had their own share of hoops to jump through, however I did feel that Rebecca’s task was done much more professionally. Randall plodded through his task and didn’t pay enough attention to details.

Now, here’s the clincher. Randall is a black man. In the past three seasons of The Apprentice, Trump has hired two white males and one white female. The crack-headed media decided that this must be racially motivated, which is just ridiculous. Entertainment Weekly did a two-page spread on this after the third season, blasting the show and calling it racist. Personally, I think Entertainment Weekly is racist for its attempt to create a controversy of race that didn’t exist.

So, with the outcry of not hiring a black man as The Apprentice, the pressure was put on and I have no doubt that the issue was addressed when seeking candidates for season four. It almost seems like they handpicked Randall to win. Rebecca never stood a chance.

After they dragged through the live two-hour finale, the moment came and Trump hired Randall. Ecstatic and jumping up and down like a Mexican jumping bean, Trump called Randall back to the table and asked him if he thought Rebecca also deserved to be hired.

Just before that, my wife and I thought for sure Trump would hire them both, as it would fit with the theme of his mass firings over the season as opposed to just firing only one candidate per episode. I thought this would be a great way to go and set a great trend for the next season, giving the next bout of candidates both new and false hope, creating a great air of uncertainty. It would’ve been perfect!

So, Trump tells Randall he trusts his opinion and wants to know what he thinks about hiring on Rebecca as well. Randall basically holds Rebecca’s career at his fingertips and what does he say?

He says, “Fuck that bitch.”

Okay, not in those exact words, but he says no. There should be only one apprentice, not two and that’s the way it should be. Trump can’t argue as he set himself up to agree with Randall’s response and lets it stand at that.

Rebecca, shattered, browbeaten, the carpet pulled out from under her has now lost not only once but TWICE.

Now, the argument could be that, hey, it is THE apprentice, not the apprentices. Sure, but in that one second, when Randall could’ve shown his true heart, which he played up all season long as his great attribute, he showed a really nasty side and completely changed my opinion about him and my feelings toward watching the show the whole season.

Yeah, perhaps he was more qualified. I felt that he should’ve been one of the final candidates to begin with, but man, talk about a turnaround. In just a few seconds, Randall went from upstanding guy to fiendish asshole.

Now, I’m sure there are plenty of people out there that applaud that he said no, I’m the only one and that’s it. And perhaps they’re right. Perhaps it’s my own personal outlook on the situation that sways me to feel otherwise, but I think that Randall displayed more cutthroat antics than he did admirable leadership skills.

So, fuck Randall. Let’s not forget that Rebecca is smokin’ hot, which has nothing to do with her qualifications, but…wait, where was I goin’ with that?

Damn woman, clouding my judgment. Yeah, fuck Randall. And fuck Trump for not putting Randall in his place and hiring her like he wanted to. Had I been an executive producer on that show I would’ve pushed to hire both candidates, as it would’ve provided such a great base for the next season.

So, tomorrow I’m going to get a “Fuck Randall” t-shirt made and nobody will know what the fuck it means. I’ll explain the whole fucking thing. I’ll wear it to the mall and give it to homeless people and write the explanation on their cardboard signs. It’ll all work out.

I will inspire a movement to get Randall fired and Rebecca hired. A) She’s hotter B) She’s hotter C) what?

I’m really not. My point is, you should watch this fucking show. It will fire you up like crazy. You can come to my house and watch it. Apprentice party all the way. Even if I don’t know you. Even if you’re homeless and wearing a “Fuck Randall” shirt.